From time to time my boys, who are 13 and 16, will have what we call “philosophical” discussions. This usually starts with one of them posing a question to me and then arguing back and forth until we come to some conclusion. This week we started discussing the idea of self-defense.

We talked about how the Old Testament had many examples of people like David, Samson, and Joshua who defended their family and country with physical violence but that the New Testament had few examples like this. We talked about turning the other cheek and also about how Christ made sure that they had swords before he left.

We discussed Peter cutting off the high priest’s ear and Jesus stating that His Kingdom was not of this world. We talked about how in early church history there were examples of men who would guard the church and its people from being physically harmed and why the early church never formed an army to take on the Romans.

The general conclusion we came to was that each person must work out their own salvation and what God is telling them to do with great seriousness. The decisions that we make in the Kingdom are not to be taken lightly. When it comes to Kingdom decisions, it isn’t about what I want or how I feel.  It is about what He wants me to do.

I’m not going to talk about my beliefs about righteous violence.  I will save that for another blog. What I want to discuss is killing our flesh, which is the prerequisite for all work in the Kingdom including righteous violence as well as righteous self-sacrifice.

The root of all sin, including the first one, is selfishness: to place yourself above everything else. It is all about what I want, what I feel, how I have been wronged – me, me, me. Think back to the last time you were really offended, when someone said or did something to you that you felt was unfair or unjustified. Then feeling completely justified, you fired right back at them with your own feelings of indignation or anger. Before long you were off to the races, knee-deep in what you saw as a justified fight. What were you fighting for?  The safety and care of those around you, the mission of the Kingdom, or your fragile and delicate ego?

I would say that for me, most of the time (like 99%), it is my delicate ego.  It is because someone is taking advantage of ME, and I am justified in my response.  Let’s look at what the Bible says about feeling justified in our response to being offended. In Matthew 5:39 it says that if someone slaps you on the cheek to turn the other cheek. For historical context, this isn’t talking about physical fighting. Back then, a slap in the face was considered an insult. They weren’t trying to knock your teeth out or physically harm you.

Two verses later, it also says that if someone asks you to go a mile, go two (Matthew 5:41).  Again, back then soldiers would unjustly ask people to carry their equipment not as a nice favor but as a type of insult.  However, Christ said if they insult you, don’t take it personal.  Don’t go one mile, go two.  Man, these are tough one for me to accept. I don’t necessarily like to fight and argue, but when I feel justified, I find it almost impossible not to.

So if I believe there are times for righteous violence, what do the Scriptures tell us?  And what does this have to do with arguing with my family?  These scriptures are not telling us not to fight when it is justified.  They are telling us not to make conflict about us, our feelings, and our ego. When I fight with my spouse, do I say to myself, “She isn’t acting the way God would want her to act, and I can help her with this through righteous and loving confrontation and prayer,” or do I say, “You have treated me badly, and my feelings are hurt.  So I will hurt you back or punish you in some way.”

So what can I do to better my relationships and my own struggle with my disgusting flesh/ego?  Next time I am offended, jealous, or have some other flesh response, I am going to stop and say, “Is this about the Kingdom and it’s truth, or is this about my fragile ego?” Then with love for that person, I am going to pray with them that we find God’s love and purpose in the situation.

– Written by Jeremiah

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The picture is of Uncle Chris sharing his wisdom with the kiddos.