Confession time: I have a deep desire to be seen, liked, and included. I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time crying over not getting invited to a group event, replaying conversations to analyze people’s thoughts about me, or working myself to the bone to become the best so that people will notice me. If you do this too, welcome to the club.  We all find our ways to compensate and try to satisfy this desire on our own, and it teaches us some dangerous lessons.

For me, I learned to watch my mouth, never criticize, and always be their biggest cheerleader.  While positivity and encouragement are not inherently wrong in relationships, I did it to an extreme. It didn’t matter if I agreed with them or thought they were doing the right thing.  I taught myself to always smile and keep any negative thoughts to myself. To some extent, it worked. I had a group of people who were happy to have me around, and I told myself that I had finally figured it out.  Then, one of those friends received heart-breaking news, and as a result, proceeded to make some delusional and potentially destructive life decisions. The cheerleader inside of me wanted to provide comfort and tell this person that everything was going to be okay – no matter what they did.

However, in my prayers, God revealed to me a lot of hard truths I needed to share with them.  Truths that would challenge my friend, require them to question their decisions, and potentially even hurt that friend’s feelings. I told God, “Someone else can say that. There has to be someone out there who is way better for the job – someone with more experience, someone wiser, some church leader who is way more qualified than me.”

But God replied, “If you don’t say it, who will?”

In that moment, I reached a fork in the road with my relationship with God. I could gain the acceptance and praise from this friend by hiding the truth and telling this person what they wanted to hear. To do that though would not only be the opposite of a loving and kind friend but it would also be disobeying God. 1 Samuel 15:22 says, “Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” We don’t honor God when we stand up and scream how great God is and then go off and do our own thing.

Lip service benefits ourselves.
Obedience benefits God.

I also questioned whether I had the ability to stand strong and speak the message God had put on my heart. I worried that I would say the wrong things or use the wrong tone. During this struggle, my mom encouraged me with the story of Jeremiah, who had to tell the Jews that Babylon was going to come and take them away from their homeland. You would think that even if the message was hard to hear, the Jews would at least respect a messenger of God, right? Not at all. They taunted him, beat him, and threw him in jail. It got so bad that Jeremiah cries in chapter 20 verse 9, “I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name.”

Jeremiah was human too. He still struggled and wanted the torture to stop, but he didn’t give up. He went on to say, “But his word was in my heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones.” God gave Jeremiah so much passion that Jeremiah couldn’t not share God’s message. There was no way around it.

Jeremiah having second thoughts was normal, and it is normal for us too. It is okay for us to doubt, to be afraid, or to wish that there was any other way for the job to get done. We don’t even have to say everything perfectly! But honoring God means that we do it even if we are scared. We must share the message God has put on our hearts.  That message is often hard to share, because it is not usually well received.

Nobody likes being told that they are wrong. In fact, our culture has shoved us in a corner as “intolerant Christians” if we speak the truth. However, the consequences of disobeying God are far greater than being shunned by those who do not like what we have to say. Luke 12:4-5 says, “Be not afraid of them that kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do. But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell.” Man’s punishment for us stops at death, but that’s it. They don’t even realize that death, because Christ has redeemed us, is only a door that brings us to an eternal life far greater than we can ever imagine.

We must speak the truth to our friends and fellow Christians as well. It is an act of kindness and love by saying that we care about them so much that we risk hurting their feelings for the sake of them achieving heaven. John 15:13 says, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Laying down your life isn’t just about dying. You can also set aside your needs and wants to prioritize the needs and wants of your friends. For me, I had to give up my desire to be seen and included and valued for the sake of my friend since I had the opportunity to see the consequences of those delusional decisions that were being made. That is true love and friendship, not making people feel good.

When we finally met, I shared the message God had laid on my heart, even though I was shaking the whole time. My friend didn’t take it well, walking away from our relationship soon after that.  It broke my heart, and I definitely spent lots of time replaying things, wondering if I could have done anything differently. That’s normal, and while I know I am not perfect, the only thing that gives me peace at night is knowing that I obeyed God. And as His child, God is going to take care of me. He knows my desire to be seen, valued, and included.  And the real truth is that He sees me.  He values me. He includes me in His plans, and He offers the same to each and every single one of us.

So friends, don’t let anything hold you back from obeying God.
Go out and be strong, be courageous, and be honest.