“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, ‘Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.”
– Job 1:20-22

The book of Job is supposed to be a comfort to us that no matter what we face, God is with us, or at least that’s my understanding. Here lately, it’s just been the thorn in my flesh, the thing that keeps hanging me up and preventing me from trusting God and walking forward with Him.

How can He be a loving God and allow Job, a righteous man (Job 1:1), to lose so much and suffer so terribly as if it was some drunken bet between Him and Satan (Job 1:8-9)? I understand that pain is often the fuel needed for growth, because without it, we tend to get complacent and comfortable with where we are in life (Romans 5:3-5). We tend to think that we’re the master of our own kingdom and begin to rely on Christ less and less. But this is not what happened with Job (Job 1:22).

I can even wrap my head around all the physical loss: the loss of his property, herds, houses, but I couldn’t reconcile the loss of his family and other people that were close to him. How can a loving father take life? How can a loving father that promises good things and taking care of us, just snatch, at His whim, human life (Psalm 100:5; Psalm 23; Nahum 1:7; Exodus 34:6; James 1:17; Matthew 7:11).

The inability to resolve this dilemma has wrestled in my mind keeping me from trusting God and having peace: “I know you love me . . . but Job.” I can look back and see what God’s done for me. I can see how He’s never left me nor forsaken me (Hebrews 13:5-6). He’s even grown me to be more confident as a person, because I am His, not because I am more special than anyone else. But I’ve mistakenly thought that was only by surrounding me with people that I love and they love me. I couldn’t resolve that He could also do that by removing people from my life.

The reality is that when each of my boys were born, we took them to the altar for their baptism, thanked God for the gift, and promised to teach them about Him and His love as long as they were under our guardianship knowing that it was for a short time. I must keep this perspective of appreciation, but not fear. No matter what happens, they were His before they were mine, and I pray they will continue to be His after we take them back to the altar and release them into adulthood.

He’s taken care of me exactly how I needed it at the time, sometimes with positive pushes and reassurance, and sometimes with boundaries. It’s always been out of love, and His timing has always been perfect when I look back. So why can’t I trust to walk forward?

I’m learning that what I’ve given up is nothing in comparison to Christ. I didn’t have to give up my deity and perfection to knowingly enter an earthly body just to suffer for all men, not just the ones that love me (Romans 5:6-8). I’ve been given life as a gift to share in His creation and be a reflection of Him, not the other way around (Romans 9:20). I have a job to do, and Christ, through love, will give me what I need to accomplish my mission (2 Timothy 1:12). This mission happens to be a very short part of my eternal existence, so I must, for lack of better words, suck it up, pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get to doing my job. Because, after all, no matter what pain we must go through, it is temporary. And we must trust that it is necessary so that we may receive the prize (1 Corinthians 9:24).

So as I move forward, I pray, “God, take me. Mold me. Shape me. I trust that, in love, you will take care of me, no matter what you determine I must go through or lose along the way. I pray that I can also help as many that I love to make the same decision. I trust you.”

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.”
– 2 Timothy 4:7-8

– Written by Kati

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