Most of my blogs have been written in the past tense. I’ve written them after I’ve overcome, but today is different. Pa helped me to learn a new perspective today. I’ve suffered from migraines for about 20 years, and about the time I think that I have them ‘figured out,’ I am completely lost. I know this is partly true for all migraine sufferers. I also know that God has intentionally given me something that I cannot figure out, because it requires me to rely on Him daily and sometimes hourly.
Well today was especially ‘touched,’ because my physical pain was matched with spiritual and emotional drain. Not only had I been struggling with a headache for almost 24 hours that my meds were not breaking, but I was exhausted from fighting for the pain to stop. I was exhausted from pretending that I was happy despite the pain, and as a result, I was beginning to doubt all things in my life. Why have I quit my job to work with and around my family every day? When I get tired of other jobs, I just quit or blame my boss for being bad . . . Why have we decided to keep our kids in a distant learning program? They are exhausting to be around ALL day, and I wonder what I have forgotten to get ready for them this week, . . . The negative thoughts continued piling on me and adding to the exhaustion.
Today, as the workday was starting, Pa seemingly on purpose and on a mission, walks right in front of me and asks me how I am doing, and it wasn’t the cordial, “What’s up?” It was Pa’s piercing, what is God working with you today kind of question. Partly out of desperation, partly out of frustration, and partly out of just wanting to talk to him, I just started crying and telling him that my head hurt again. Without missing a beat, he continues walking and joins his steps with mine, puts his arm around me, and instantly begins talking to me and encouraging me. I don’t know if God sent him to me, or if Pa was just determined to talk to me today, because there are days (most of them) that I don’t hide my pain as well as I’d like to admit. But, in that moment, he reminded of Christ. He reminded me of His impeccable timing and non-ending love. He reminded me that, despite our pretense, we cannot hide, and He not only will walk beside us, but He looks for ways to do so even if we can’t ask.
You see, with each step that Pa took in unison with me, comforting me, and talking to me about the purpose of our pain, I can feel him limp as he faces more physical pain on a daily basis than he’ll ever admit, and he never complains or asks for a way out. I know there are days that he wants to give in and rest eternally. I know that each day he sees that he is closer to receiving that reward, but he knows that he still has a job to complete here. So, despite putting up with all of us and our stubbornness, going to endless doctors’ visits (that give him plenty of excuses to give up for his age), and dealing with physical pain, he persists with valor and honor. He looks to God for guidance then looks for ways to enrich our lives whether it is walking beside us for a moment so that we know a physical example of God’s love and patience or it is giving the kids insight into life by praying with them when they seem too tired or bothered with school for the day.
Thank you, Pa, for showing us that Christ is with us in our pain. Yes, He is waiting on the other side. But not only does He purpose our pain, but He walks with us in our pain so that we can see Him and trust Him even when life is hard. Our little detour this morning took less than two minutes, but it made the pain bearable, because I wasn’t waiting for it to end. I was reminded that Christ was sharing it with me.
If you are in pain, find someone you trust, and confide in them. It is amazing how just confessing our physical pain opens the door for healing in emotional and spiritual realms as well, because we are admitting our imperfections and trusting someone else. If you know someone in pain, give them a hug, send them an encouraging text, mail a card for no reason, give them a call. They may not be in a place where they are able to thank you, but it will be received with the generosity and sincerity it is given.
— Written by Kati
“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope. And hope maketh not ashamed, because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
The picture is Pa showing love to one of the grandkids.