Change! Why? How? Neeevveeeeer! Those are the first thoughts that come to me when I hear that six-letter word. I have always known that I am a creature of habit. I have spent my adult life creating normalcy, consistency, structure, and discipline in my life. Which honestly translates into me being a control freak. I can tell you all the reasons I am that way. That it’s not my fault. I can’t help it. I grew up in a volatile, unpredictable world with so much uncertainty that I swore when I was in control (an adult), it would never be that way again. So now, as an adult, I prepare myself for all the things around me that could possibly happen. That seems to work for the most part or at least that’s what I keep telling myself so that I can continue to keep pretending to control everything. But when something happens that I don’t anticipate, I feel like a complete failure and like my world is turning upside down again just like it did when I was a kid. How absurd is that? I respond badly, sometimes even ugly to the ones I love and care most about. I fret. I worry. I get depressed. I get angry. I fight. I cry. I give up. I let little things get in the way of my happiness and my relationships.
Change can be exciting and rewarding, but I can let my fear of the unknown take over my responses and ruin my whole day, or week, or even year. This past year has been filled with so many changes. It started out with Covid-19. We were faced with huge changes in how we lived our life. From staying home, not eating out, online school, and shopping online. We gave up a lot to keep our family safe and to ensure that we were being obedient to what God was telling us to do at the time. At first, I responded by worrying and complaining, because I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. Then it got a little easier and started to feel like normal, at least a new normal, and I could now navigate through the rough waters with a little more ease. During that time, it was easy to reach out to God and know that He was with us and He was protecting us. I could see His purpose clearly, and it made sense to me. But that change wasn’t the only change that God was planning for our family.
Not long after that change came one of the biggest changes my family has ever made. This change made no sense to me. It was completely absurd. My mind could not grasp how it could even be possible. Chris and I both felt that God was leading us away from our current professions of which we had been a part of for over twenty years. I cried. I argued. I yelled. I fought. There was no way that it was even possible. Not to mention, I truly loved my job. The only thing I could do, the only thing that I could actually control was to get on my knees and pray, read, and seek understanding from God. It didn’t happen overnight. In fact, it was months of anxiety and fear. But during this whole time, I was learning how to rely on God, knowing that He is in control, and I am not knowing exactly what He wanted for me, and knowing that if I am in His purpose everything will be all right. I prayed, I read, and I sought His understanding every day. Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” This scripture brought some understanding to me, because I knew that everyone would think we were crazy. It made no sense in my human mind, but these words rang true in my spirit. I also knew that I would have to truly believe every word of the Bible and not just give lip service to it. I was going to have to be completely out of control and rely on God to direct our paths and provide a way. And that is exactly what He has done. He made a way for us to see a future on a different path, outside of societal norms, focused on Him, and not what the world says we should do. We are currently preparing ourselves mentally, physically, and spiritually for the next chapter of our lives. He provides our daily needs, and we focus on being prepared to show others His love and mercy. He has opened up a way for us to minister to others and share His message. It isn’t always easy. I still don’t like when things “change,” but hopefully there is less arguing, worrying, fretting, crying, fighting, or depression and more praying, reading, and seeking God’s understanding.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
— Written by Alisa