As a child, I was shy, the kid that sat in the corner and watched others play, because I was so afraid of how to interact with my peers. If given a job to do, I would step in and complete with attempted perfection. That was my comfort and solace, the achievement of preset goals. In the moment, it seemed fulfilling, because I received praise from people. I also think I appeared happy, because I was accomplished, but inside I was in constant anxiety and fear. What if I couldn’t perform the next assigned task? What if someone realized that I wasn’t the perfect specimen I pretended to be? And, even worse, what if people realized I was human with fears, failures, and raw emotions just like everyone around me.
Through many years of God’s love and patient reformation, I am slowly transforming into a person filled with the peace of Jesus Christ. Not the religion of attempted perfection as defined differently by each passing person, but peace that I am enough – today. I am growing and changing and maturing in each moment that is given to me, but I am still enough, even whole, today.
I want to remind you that, despite the circumstances and environment surrounding you, God is there for you. He is patient, He is kind, and He is the best Daddy you could ask for. In fact, in my own journey as a mother, I often ask how He would respond as a parent. It has helped me not respond out of fear and anxiety. It has helped me to embrace each child as a unique gift and expression of Him, not a representation of me. I have temporarily been given guardianship until they reach the age of maturity and are allowed to make their own life decisions about Christ.
An instrumental part of my healing has been the family, or tribe, that God has put in my life. We have each made a commitment to first follow God and, out of that, take care of each other. We are obligated to love each other as a living example of Him on earth. This means that as long as we stand by each other, and have God at our back, no circumstance will be overcome us, but be an opportunity to strengthen our faith and hope in Christ.
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
These commitments focus my priorities and don’t allow me to give into my attempt at perfection for comfort, but the love of Christ and my family. I pray that each of you are able to surround yourselves with like-minded people in your life that you can lovingly call family as well, because I know that he will give you the desires of your heart as your heart is stayed upon him as reminded in Psalm 37:4, “ Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
And finally, I want to share a scripture and song that I use to remind me of His love and constant presence in my life. The scripture is from 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” The song, Create in Me, is from one of my all-time favorite groups Rend Collective, and it reminds me that as long as I am still drawing breath, He is still working on me, and I still have purpose in Him on earth.
As usual, please let us know if you have a need for prayers. We appreciate your prayers as well.
– Written by Kati